The Real Deal: How My Body Changed

So this one is for my GFs who have NOT had children yet. I am pretty blunt, so I am going to give it to you straight about what your body will do. Don't be scared, its natural and all mothers have been through it. Just ask yourself, if "EVERYONE in the entire world jumped off the SF bridge, would you do it?"

The corrrect answer: YES!!! If Posh jumps, then I am jumping too!

1) veins: Right when you get pregnant and before your pee stick says PREGNANT, you will notice blue veins running along your upper chest like a road map.

Spider veins: My mom has little ones here and there and yes, I am getting them too. I may not have stretch marks (yet!) but I do see my lovely little spider veins on my legs.

2) Nipples: Can triple in size (like mine did) and turn a very deep squid ink purple. Dark patches of nipple color will form around your nipple and spread. I hear it goes away after birth. I am counting on it!

3) Prenatal vitamins: Make me feel like I am a cow, because my poo smells like GRASS! As if I was walking though Hidden Valley Ranch and stumbled upon a cow pasture. Also, you poo will be heavy (high in iron?). I am talking a deep sixer in 1second. it will be more robust in smell and weight. And if you are lucky, your DH won't notice. I am not of the lucky ones.

4) Mucuous: You will be able to smell yourself because you will produce a crap load of mucuous. Nice, huh?

This scares me even more, because DH and I have this friend who claims he can smell any woman. Gross, huh? And why would he share this info with me? He brags he can smell a woman on her cycle. This leaves me with a digusted look on my face. So suffice, to say, I keep my distance from him, especially lately.

5) Boobies will leak: A fluid called collostrum will beging to leak out of your boobs. I sleep on my side and squish them at night and thus, wake up with boobie crust in my nipple ducts/holes. Just pick them out like eye boogers. A cool trick to pull on your partner? Let him kiss them goodbye. Trust me, they will love kissing them as they will have grown 3 times the size of your original breast. Then when he has his mouth on the nipple and is sucking, give the boob a squeeze and squirt some of that sour and warm fluid into their mouth.

I did. It was a riot. Though I was the only one laughing.

6) Hair: Will look FABULOUS! And will grow like crazy. Since the BFP, I have cut a total of 7 inches and am looking to cut 3 more tomorrow, if that salon is open. Same thing for your nails and toenails. Now you can see why so many pregnant women ahve nasty toenails...bc they grow like crazy and your belly will prevent you from checking the status of them.

7) Gas: you will have more gas, but the good thing is that it won't stick. Well, mine really doesn't. It just trapped air. Am I lying? Let me prove it to you when I see you.

8) Sex: Will be a lot better and you will want it more. But be careful if you hit yoru cervix too much. You could end up bleeding a little because of all the blood cells in that area.

DH going down? Hahaha! You won't be able to see crap anymore. For all you know, he could be napping down there.


9) We've got BUSH!!!- So yeah, your bush will grow like a chia pet on crack. You may only notice this if you wax your privates. Don't be scared, get waxed with Gigi. Might I recommend the GiGi Brazilian Hairwax kit? Its about $15 and is the best on the market. You can find it at fine beauty supply stores. Now I have self waxed for many years using products from the drugstore, to even buying my own wax heater/warmer and professional supplies. The GiGi system is great, bc its not messy, you dont need baby powder and the hair just seems to slow in growth. I never go these results with the other products.


Update: So now that I am sporting this beautiful little buddha belly, I can no longer see my privates anymore. This makes waxing a biatch. Surprisingly, I am still able to do it myself..I know, ouch! I have to feel the hairs with my fingers before I apply this wax. I think I may do it one more time before I give up and see the professional for my final wax. I had better call and make an appointment so that I am not too late and my baby starts to crown while she's doing the wax. Eeew, sicko.


That is all I can think of now. I'll be sure to post more as I experience more of the beauty of pregnancy.

TTFN
M

Carryling Low

So, we found out that we were having a girl at 21 weeks. We are excited, happy and used to the idea of welcoming our little darling. And we almost have a name, too. Hows that for slackers?

It concerns me because now that we are all focused on welcoming a mini me into this world, many people are stopping me and are surprised that I am having a girl because of the way I am carrying. I should get more comments at my baby shower on the 20th of June.

First scenario: At Walmart, looking at the onesies for little girls. The workers were folding the boys selection across from me and the girl, who was also 5 months pregnant, asked if I was having a girl. I replied YES. She said her coworker and her were shocked because of the way I was carrying.

Second scenario:I was at an art show last night for a fellow named Ronnie Stretch in Encino. It was at their nice home and I met his wife. She had heard a woman and I chatting about the new baby and she told me, "I was surprised to hear that you are having a girl....if you still have a waistline, you are having a boy."

Awesome, I know...I still have a waistline! But not so awesome because now, that has got me thinking, "What if I have a little boy?"

Well, if we did have a boy, we have a name picked out, so that would be cool. But what about all the dreams I had for her? The ice skating lessons? The Suri Burberry dress I want to buy her when she is 12 months???

My good friend, Lindsey, is also pregnant. She is about 5 days ahead of me. The inside joke is that her husband, Steve, was thinking about Jeff when the bay was conceived. That is why we are so close in term. I know, gross. But good friends can joke like that. She, too was told she was having a girl at 20weeks.

Come week 28, she happens to get an ultrasound. And by chance, she asks the tech, "Everything OK? Are we still having a girl?"

If she hadn't asked, they would not have told her. Keep in mind, that she had already purchased an entire wardrobe for a little girl, picked a name and had the invitations all ready to go out. We had even planned on sending our little daughters to boarding school together so they can't sneak out of the house when they are teenagers.

"No, I see a scrotum" the tech replied. DOH!

It's just an old wives tale. I will have to believe that. I get a growth scan on June 4, so then I will make sure that we are having "Anna Nicole."

I'll leave you with this...My mom said, "Its just clothes." She always has a bright side to everything. And its true. If we do have a little boy, i just have to replace some clothes. Love you mom.

M

Stroller is in!

My inlaws are AWESOME! They bought the Stokke Xplory stroller for us and I could not be happier! Little 'Anna Nicole' will be arriving in style!



The stroller is a Norwegian design. So what's the deal with the Nordic designers? Why do they create the most hard to understand instructions?

Take for instance our Ikea drawers and night stands. I understand that by not using language and using illustrations, you are able to sell your product to any culture and they should not have an issue deciphering the instructions, right? Wrong.

Same thing for the Stokke. The stroller arrived in 2 large boxes and booklets of picture instructions. Anyway, with DH around, we were able to put it together. I guess I will chalk this up to Pregnancy Brain and not having to picture-translate directions.

So Watermelon...I love it! And I love when its in season and on sale! Yippee! So is it possible to eat over 20 pounds of it in 4 days? I am here to tell you that it is possible. OMG, its so refreshing, esp. when you live in the Valley and its waiting for you, chillin in the fridge. On Wednesday, I managed to eat 1/2 of a 20 pound melon. Within the course of 2 hours, I must have peed like 6 times!

But I cant stop! I still have 1/4 of that watermelon in the fridge and I have 2 personal melons ready to go. Here's the issue...the fiber is making me so full, that I feel I could burst! I have been known to overdo a good thing. In Jr. High, I overdid Sunchips. We drove to Las Veags and that is all I ate in the miserable car trip. I may have associated the hot weather, the long drive to the Sunchips and that is why I never had one...over 20 years later.

And then there was Salmon. When I first moved to LA, I wanted to be healthy. So I ate a LOT of Wild King Salmon, as Ralphs would call it. I ate so much if it, that to this day, I cannot stand baked salmon or salmon sushi. ( I may have a little bit of the smoked salmon sandwhiches from Paris). But no Lox, no maple glazed, no sushi salmon.

And now, I am going to ruin watermelon for me. I really should go cold turkey soon or one of my fave foods wont be so appealing. And I really need my vices, because I have so few! So after Memorial Day Weekend, I promise to lay off the watermelon....or maybe I will take it easy. Hows one mini melon a week?


So its, Friday morning. I have a load of clothes and dishes going. Whatever shall I do today? Gym? To be honest, I am also overdoing the gym! Since the pregnancy happened, I have been working out 4-5 times a week! Before I was pregnant, I was only doing 3-4. So here I am, 7.5 months later, still going at it. Maybe I can do something else? Like walk for like 2 hours near the beach?

I'll figure it out...Whatever it is, I need to get my blood flowing because I feel so super shitty this morning. Exercise addict? Could be.... BRB.

M

Never Too Late to Start!

So, I am 30 weeks and have never had an interest in blogging. But now that the time is almost near, I think there will be many changes that my friends and family might be interested in.

Lets start with how I am feeling:

This pregnancy has been relatively easy. I was nauseous through the first trimester, but ever since then, its been smooth sailing. This is very important as I am 35 and am classified as AMA (advanced for maternal age).

Since discovering that I was pregnant, I have adhered to weekly gym regimen in order to 1) keep the weight gain within the guidelines and 2) to make labor easy.
I once ate 12 Oreo Double Stuff cookies and bragged to my mom about it. She said to me "Don't forget you have to push that baby out." So ever since then, I have been mindful to not stretch the "Rhymes with Sha-Nay-Nay". Paranoid, maybe. But being pregnant does not give me a license to stuff my cake hole like a mad woman.
So the swimming....my doctor told me her friend just delivered and had been swimming throughout the pregnancy. And she raved about how "EASY" it was this time.

That's me...Middle name is Easy. That is how I got knocked up, right?

And since November, I am proud to say that I have worked out at least 4 times a week. And to this day, at 7.5 months pregnant, I am still at it. The results? No swelling, stress and doing as good as I can be.

MW: swimming (freestyle, butterfly and kicking)
T, TH, FR: 24 Hour Fatness ass check (40-50 minutes of light cardio)
2x a week: Yoga at the Fatness gym

I am extremely fortunate to be able to get a full nights rest every night. Could it be the swimming and yoga that is stretching and lengthening my torso so little Baby "Anna Nicole" does not sit on my bladder? Whatever it is, I am so happy that I am not running out of bed in the middle of the night so I can sit on the Toto. Toto is the name of our toilet. Yeah, when it cleans your privates and blow dries your parts, it can have a name.

Another cool thing that I might attribute to staying active during pregnancy is that I have no pain. No Round Ligament Pain, no lower back pain, no cankles, and very light Braxton Hicks contractions. I did get the back pain from sleeping incorrectly, but other than that, no real pain.

I resolved the back pain issue by throwing a King Size pillow between my legs and spoon that while I sleep. There was no need to buy a maternity pillow. A king size pillow works just fine. (a pet peeve I have are products that are marketed for pregnant women, but are totally unnecessary, like this "Maternity Pillow" thing.

I am still wearing my engagement ring because I am not swollen AT ALL. I read something that the water pressure pushes the fluid back into your veins. Which is great, because that is where I want my water to go...and not hang out in or around my ankles. Ick! OK, maybe my rings get tight when I eat fast food, but hey, I'm human and McDonald's grilled chicken sandwhiches are delish! And I just love wearing my E-Ring. It purty.

I get Braxton Hicks maybe once a week. I know all women are different, but I just don't feel any because I am constantly moving. I could be screwing myself in the end for not training myself to feel them. But overall, its been bliss not having sever contractions at this time.

My next appointment is on June 4...I get a growth scan (my last ultrasound). At my 28.5 week appointment, I was my fundunt was measuring at 26 weeks. Doc said it was because I am tiny. That was the first time ANYONE called me tiny! But I believe, that my long torso and the lengthening from exercise is the reason why I am not popping out, therefore, keeping the bump not so bumpy. And this is also my first baby. They say the first ones don't show very much. We'll see after No 2. Yes, there will be a sequel in the future.

But the growth scan will tell the tale. And as I have researched, growth scans aren't accurate. They project weights that are pretty off. All I know is that I gained 5 pounds in 5 weeks and its not anywhere else but in my belly.

I know...now that I blogged about my full nights of rest, I jinxed myself. We'll see...I know it cant last forever, but gosh darn it, I am pretty stoked that I can make it through the night.

OK, gotta hit the shower....I am still chlorinated from my swim this morning. Next posts will have the nursery pics.

TTFN!
M